Till we meet again

If somebody asks me about my love life, I will say, "Just imagine a straight line that doesn't have an end. It has no ups or downs or drama at all. Well, at least until now."

Yeah, my love life has never been like romance novels or whatever I love to read and watch. It is really believable if you ever meet me in real life.
1. I won't say that I'm fat or overweight, because it is an opinion. The fact is I am 63 kg (the last time I weigh myself) and my height is around 153 cm. So, you can decide.
2. I don't pay much attention to my appearance. My hair is messy, my everyday clothes are t-shirt and jeans (or shorts), acne, no make up, etc.
3. I can live a day or a week maybe, without my phone. Due to the lack of messages or calls I received, which most of it are from my female friends and my parents.
4. I don't even use any internet package for my smartphone. Yes, I am Stichi, stingy chinese (no, it is not racism).

Okay, stop talking about me. Let's go back to my love life.
My first crush is a boy in my kindergarten. But please don't take it seriously because it's just because we were best friends. Nah, he is not my first crush.
Actually, I don't really remember who is my first crush. Haha

Let's just start with JHS love life time.
I liked A, then he liked another girl and asked her to be his girlfriend and she said yes. I felt sad for a week, lol, before I liked B. B liked another girl, I thought that I had no chance, there, I let go. Another sad week, but there's him. Whom I call '83' or 'jayus' when I talk about him with my friends. These posts are containing things about him :
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9

If you read all of it, you will know that I had tried to forget him and move on. But it failed. Now, I would like to continue the story.

You might say I am a coward and I think that's true. After I had an android smartphone that have many social media apps, I didn't have the courage to add him even though I knew his ID. When I had some free time, I searched his ID and saw his profile picture. The end. That's it. Pathetic.

I was afraid that he would not recognize me and left my messages unread. That would really hurt me.

A few months ago, I promised to my friend that I would add his ID if I lost some weight. She asked, "When will that happen?" I said, "On May." It's June and I'm still 63 kg so I shouldn't add him.

But I did. At first, it is because my parents wanted to run a restaurant yet they found some difficulties. I remembered that my friend told me that his mother had her own restaurant. Then I tried to pluck up my courage by saying to myself things like : "He is not your future husband." "You will find another guy that is much more perfect than him." "You are just friends and everything will be alright if he doesn't reply. You are going to university and there is where you will meet your soulmate." "YOLO.", and those worked well.

I added his Line, I chatted him, HE REPLIED, and so on.

Btw, it ended up I knew that his mother doesn't run any restaurant. ._.

The next chat, we talked so much and I realized that he was becoming more perfect than before. Everything I want for my future husband is in him. Patient, friendly, independent, would do the chores, humble, and many more. At first, I was happy that I fell for the right guy, not a useless or bad boy. On the next thought, I was depressed. I like the right guy, but I seemed to be the wrong person for him. He is right, yet I am a fault.

Another thing in my mind, I am not sure if I still like him. I used to be so happy and smile every time we chatted years ago, now I am not. Okay, I smiled a little. However, my heart doesn't beat as fast as it did in the past.

I think, maybe this feeling is like when I see a really beautiful dress that I can't try in the fitting room. It is dazzling and fascinating. The only problem is, I am not sure that it will fit me perfectly and still look beautiful when I wear it. It is the dress in my dreams though I doubted it was made for me. Should I change myself the way I think will fit the dress or should I search for another dress?

I chose the first.


To you, 
Till we meet again, I hope to be one step closer to you.

August 18th 2017
I have reread this post. And honestly, I am a bit confused with Stephanie who wrote those sentences. Why did I feel so inferior? Why did I put myself under other person? Or why did I put him above me as if he is a king? I am awesome too. Not yet a great person, but I know I can be one. Though I don't really know the good things in me, I believe that I am attractive enough (at least the mosquitos bite me many times. So I think I am attractive to mosquitos, right?)
I think I don't like him anymore. I even forget the reason why I liked him. Well I remember that he was kind and seemed to be perfect (just because he did the chores...) But, hey, after living in Japan for almost two years, everyone do the chores. So it is a very common thing. When I read this post on May or June, I thought that this post is kinda disgusting. LOL. After all, we don't talk anymore. So yeah, why should I care that much about a person who doesn't even think about me? Then, I decided to find another guy.  You are right, Telz. Thanks for the comment.